oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
