How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
