I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
