with your own penis?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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