Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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