Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
