we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
