in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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