i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
