we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
