I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
