Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
