New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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