Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize