made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
