I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
