Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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