I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
