what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
