I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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