i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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