I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
