in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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