just come out here and I will go home with you...
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize