Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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