Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
