ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
my liver is dry heaving
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
