He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
