Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
