Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize