He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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