The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
