Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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