dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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