I'm so fucking centered right now
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
