Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
