happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
