I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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