And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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