just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
