Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize