i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
