How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
