margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
