i just wanna soil my oats bro
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
