We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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