Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
