whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
