bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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