I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
