So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
