When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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