I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
