So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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