I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
