It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
