I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
