I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
