Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
