Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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