Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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